fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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