I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
