I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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