TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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