i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
