Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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