Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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