Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
