The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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