I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
