Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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