the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
