just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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