I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
