i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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