You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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