he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
smell my finger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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