Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
how drunk are you?
Several
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
