He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like, not good at living.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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