Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
