I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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