i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
