I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
