I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
