I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
from now on my penis is your penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
