i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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