i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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