Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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