I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
