I just made out with a guy for $7.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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