Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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