you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
