If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Rumble strips road head = magical
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
