That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was like his penis was on wheels.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
