lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
