If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
