I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
