So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
