just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize