you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
