After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
