There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
