she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I cockslap morals
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
