its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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