Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
