At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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