I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
