i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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