Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
