I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
