Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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