And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I came so hard my ears popped.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
