i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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