I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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