I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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