If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
lets start a swedish sibling band together
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize