And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
