I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
