They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
