Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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