i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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