I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
