I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
