That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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