i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
