at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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