Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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