I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
