Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
