Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
