watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
